[Alan From NYC]

The teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a
fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on
Brooklyn Tony. He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first
gunshot." The teacher replies, "The
correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking." Then Brooklyn Tony
says, "I have a question for YOU. There are 3
women sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking
the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down
the top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the
ice cream. Which one is married?" The teacher, blushing a great deal,
replied, "Well, I suppose the one that's gobbled down the top and
sucked the cone." To which Brooklyn Tony replied, "The correct answer
is 'the one with
the wedding ring on,' but I like your thinking."

Brooklyn Tony ON MATH

Brooklyn Tony returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
"Why?" asks the father. The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3,' I said
'6,'" replies TONY. "But that's right!" says his dad. "Yeah, but then
she asked me 'How much is 3x2?'" "What's the f---ing difference ?" asks
the father. "That's what I said!"


Brooklyn Tony ON GRAMMAR



Brooklyn Tony was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed
to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a
piss!" The teacher replied, "Now, TONY, that is NOT the proper word to
use in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate'.
Please use the word 'urinate' in a sentence correctly, and I will allow
you to go." Brooklyn Tony, thinks for a bit, and then says, "You're an
eight, but if you had a bigger rack, you'd be a TEN!"



Brooklyn Tony ON GRAMMAR



One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show
of hands from those who could use the word "beautiful" in the same
sentence twice. First, she called on little Suzie, who responded with,
"My father
bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."
"Very good, Suzie," replied the teacher. She then called on little
Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out
beautifully." She said, "Excellent, Michael!" Then the teacher
reluctantly called on Brooklyn Tony. "Last night at the dinner table,
my sister told my father that she was pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful,
just f***ing beautiful!' "



Brooklyn Tony ON GETTING OLDER



Brooklyn Tony was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar
after another. After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him
said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It will
give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat." Brooklyn Tony
replied, "You know, my grandfather lived to be 107 years old." The man
asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?" Brooklyn Tony
answered, "No, he minded his own f---ing business."