Abbott & Costello in the modern age

[boblamb58]

If Bud Abbott and Lou Costello were alive today, their infamous sketch,
"Who's on First?" might have turned out something like this:


COSTELLO CALLS TO BUY A COMPUTER FROM ABBOTT

ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?

COSTELLO: Thanks. I'm setting up an office in my den and I'm thinking about
buying a computer.

ABBOTT: Mac?

COSTELLO: No, the name's Lou.

ABBOTT: Your computer?

COSTELLO: I don't own a computer. I want to buy one.

ABBOTT: Mac?

COSTELLO: I told you, my name's Lou.

ABBOTT: What about Windows?

COSTELLO: Why? Will it get stuffy in here?

ABBOTT: Do you want a computer with Windows?

COSTELLO: I don't know. What will I see when I look at the windows?

ABBOTT: Wallpaper.

COSTELLO: Never mind the windows. I need a computer and software.

ABBOTT: Software for Windows?

COSTELLO: No. On the computer! I need something I can use to write
proposals, track expenses and run my business. What do you have?

ABBOTT: Office.

COSTELLO: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything?

ABBOTT: I just did.

COSTELLO: You just did what?

ABBOTT: ! Recommend something.

COSTELLO: You recommended something?

ABBOTT: Yes.

COSTELLO: For my office?

ABBOTT: Yes.

COSTELLO: OK, what did you recommend for my office?

ABBOTT: Office.

COSTELLO: Yes, for my office!

ABBOTT: I recommend Office with Windows.

COSTELLO: I already have an office with windows! OK, let's just say I'm
sitting at my computer and I want to type a proposal. What do I need?

ABBOTT: Word.

COSTELLO: What word?

ABBOTT: Word in Office.

COSTELLO: The only word in office is office.

ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.

COSTELLO: Which word in office for windows?

ABBOTT: The Word you get when you click the blue "W".

COSTELLO: I'm going to click your blue "w" if you don't start with some
straight answers. What about financial bookkeeping? You have anything I
can track my money with?

ABBOTT: Money.

COSTELLO: That's right! . What do you have?

ABBOTT: Money.

COSTELLO: I need money to track my money?

ABBOTT: It comes bundled with your computer.

COSTELLO: What's bundled with my computer?

ABBOTT: Money.

COSTELLO: Money comes with my computer?

ABBOTT: Yes. No extra charge.

COSTELLO: I get a bundle of money with my computer? How much?

ABBOTT: One copy.

COSTELLO: Isn't it illegal to copy money?

ABBOTT: Microsoft gave us a license to copy Money.

COSTELLO: They can give you a license to copy money?

ABBOTT: Why not? THEY OWN IT!

(A few days later)

ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?

COSTELLO: How do I turn my computer off?

ABBOTT: Click on "START".............

[jdesigns]

Abbott and Costello Talk About Windows


Costello: Hey, Abbott!
Abbot: Yes, Lou?


Costello: I just got my first computer.
Abbot: That's great Lou. What did you get?


Costello: A Pentium II-266, with 40 Megs of RAM, a 2.1 Gig hard drive, and a 24X CD-ROM.
Abbot: That's terrific, Lou.


Costello: But I don't know what any of it means!!
Abbot: You will in time.


Costello: That's exactly why I am here to see you.
Abbot: Oh?


Costello: I heard that you are a real computer expert.
Abbot: Well, I don't know-


Costello: Yes-sir-ee. You know your stuff! And you're going to train me.
Abbot: Really?


Costello: Uh huh. And I am here for my first lesson.
Abbot: O.K. Lou. What do want to know?


Costello: I am having no problem turning it on, but I heard that you should be very careful how you turn it off.
Abbot: That's true.


Costello: So, here I am working on my new computer and I want to turn it off. What do I do?
Abbot: Well, first you press the Start button, and then-


Costello: No, I told you, I want to turn it off.
Abbot: I know, you press the Start button-


Costello: Wait a second. I want to turn it Off. I know how to start it. So tell me what to do.
Abbot: I did.


Costello: When?
Abbot: When I told you to press the Start button.


Costello: Why should I press the Start button?
Abbot: To shut off the computer.


Costello: I press Start to stop?
Abbot: Well, Start doesn't actually stop the computer.


Costello: I knew it! So what do I press?
Abbot: Start.


Costello: Start what?
Abbot: Start button.


Costello: Start button to do what?
Abbot: Shut down.


Costello: You don't have to get rude!
Abbot: No, no, no! That's not what I meant.


Costello: Then say what you mean.
Abbot: To shut down the computer, press-


Costello: Don't say, "Start!"
Abbot: Then what do you want me to say?


Costello: Look, if I want to turn off the computer, I am willing to press the Stop button, the End button and Cease and Desist button, but no one in their right mind presses the Start to Stop.
Abbot: But that's what you do.


Costello: And you probably Go at Stop signs, and Stop at green lights.
Abbot: Don't be ridiculous.


Costello: I'm being ridiculous? Well. I think it's about time we started this conversation.


Abbot: What are you talking about?
Costello: I am starting this conversation right now.