Dear Abby....

[jdesigns]

Dear Abby -

My husband is a liar and a cheat. He has cheated on me from the
beginning, and, when I confront him, he denies everything.
What's worse is that everyone knows that he cheats on me.It is so
humiliating.
Also, since he lost his job six years ago; he hasn't even looked for
a new one.
All he does all day is smoke cigars, cruise around and BS with his
buddies while I have to work to pay the bills.
Since our daughter went away to college he doesn't even pretend to
like me and he even hints that I may be a lesbian.

What should I do?

Signed: Clueless









Dear Clueless:

Grow up and dump him. Good grief, woman. You don't need him anymore!

You're a United States Senator from New York , running for President
of The United States..... Act like one!

[CrazyJames]

Dear Abby,

I've never written to you before, but I really need your advice
............................... .

I have suspected for some time now that my wife has been cheating on me. The usual signs......... phone rings but if I answer, the caller hangs
up.

My wife has been going out with the girls a lot recently, although when I ask their names she always says, "Just some friends from work : you
don't know them."

I always try to stay awake to look out for her coming home, but I usually fall asleep. Anyway, I have never approached the subject with my
wife. I think deep down I just didn't want to know the truth, but last night she went out again and I decided to really check on her.

Around midnight, I decided to hide in the garage behind my golf clubs so I could get a good view of the whole street when she arrived home from
a night out with "the girls".

It was at that moment, crouching behind my clubs, that I noticed that the graphite shaft on my driver appeared to have a hairline crack right
by the club head.

Is this something I can fix myself or should I take it back to the pro shop where I bought it?

Thanks, Calvin

[PhoenixRising]

Originally Posted by jdesigns

Dear Abby -

My husband is a liar and a cheat. He has cheated on me from the
beginning, and, when I confront him, he denies everything.
What's worse is that everyone knows that he cheats on me.It is so
humiliating.
Also, since he lost his job six years ago; he hasn't even looked for
a new one.
All he does all day is smoke cigars, cruise around and BS with his
buddies while I have to work to pay the bills.
Since our daughter went away to college he doesn't even pretend to
like me and he even hints that I may be a lesbian.

What should I do?

Signed: Clueless









Dear Clueless:

Grow up and dump him. Good grief, woman. You don't need him anymore!

You're a United States Senator from New York , running for President
of The United States..... Act like one!

Good one!

[CrazyJames]

Originally Posted by PhoenixRising

Good one!

And mine wasnt? :'(

[jdesigns]

Dear Abby

Dear Abby:
I have been engaged for almost a year. I am to be married next month. My fiancee's mother is not only very attractive but really great and understanding. She is putting the entire wedding together and invited me to her place to go over the invitation list because it had grown a bit beyond what we had expected it to be.


When I got to her place we reviewed the list and trimmed it down to just under a hundred ... then she floored me. She said that in a month I would be a married man and that before that happened, she wanted to have sex with me. Then she just stood up and walked to her bedroom and on her way said that I knew where the front door was if I wanted to leave.


I stood there for about five minutes and finally decided that I knew exactly how to deal with this situation. I headed straight out the front door...


There, leaning against my car was her husband, my father-in-law to be. He was smiling. He explained that they just wanted to be sure I was a good kid and would be true to their little girl. I shook his hand and he congratulated me on passing their little test.


Abby, should I tell my fiancee' what her parents did, and that I thought their "little test" was asinine and insulting to my character?


Or should I keep the whole thing to myself including the fact that the reason I was walking out to my car was to get a condom?

[jdesigns]

Questions that stumped Dear Abby!

Dear Abby
A couple of women moved in across the hall from me.
One is a middle-aged gym teacher and the other is a
social worker in her mid-twenties. These two women go
everywhere together and I've never seen a man go into
their apartment or come out. Do you think they could be
Lebanese?

Dear Abby
What can I do about all the sex, nudity, language and
violence on my VCR?

Dear Abby
I have a man I never could trust. He cheats so much
I'm not even sure this baby I'm carrying is his.

Dear Abby
I am a twenty-three-year-old liberated woman who
has been on the pill for two years. It's getting expensive,
and I think my boyfriend should share half the cost, but
I don't know him well enough to discuss money with him.

Dear Abby
I suspected that my husband had been fooling around,
and when I confronted him with the evidence he denied
everything and said it would never happen again.

Dear Abby
Our son writes that he is taking Judo. Why would a
boy who was raised in a Good Christian home turn against
his own?

Dear Abby
My forty-year-old son has been paying a psychiatrist
$60 an hour every week for two-and-a-half years. He must
be crazy.

Dear Abby
Do you think it would be all right if I gave my doctor
a little gift? I tried for years to get pregnant and
couldn't and he did it.

Dear Abby
My mother is mean and short-tempered. I think she is
going through her mental pause.

Dear Abby
You told some woman whose husband had lost all interest
in sex to send him to a doctor. Well, my husband lost all
interest in sex years ago and he is a doctor.

Dear Abby,
I joined the Navy to see the world. I've seen it. Now, how do I get out?

[jdesigns]

Dear Abby,

My fiancee still has feelings for his old girlfriends. I'm afraid he will not be faithful. —Worried

Dear Worried,
A man's capacity to love is boundless. It has been proven to increase with the number of sexual partners. Thus, by having a few other women, your partner is really increasing his love for you. Best thing to do is to buy him a nice, expensive present, and cook him a nice meal and don't mention this aspect of his behavior.

Dear Abby,
My husband wants to experience three-in-a-bed-sex with me and my sister. —Ménàge-a-What?!

Dear Ménàge-a-What,
Your husband is clearly devoted to you. He cannot get enough of you, so he goes for the next best thing, your sister. Far from being an issue, this will bring all of the family together. Why not get some cousins involved? If you are still apprehensive, then let him go with your relatives, buy him a nice, expensive present, and cook him a nice meal.

Dear Abby,
My husband continually asks me to perform oral sex with him.—Staying Up Here

Dear Staying Up Here,

Do it. Sperm is not only great tasting, but has only 10 calories a spoonful. It is nutritious and helps you to keep your figure and gives a great glow to the skin. Interestingly, a man knows this. His offer to you to perform oral sex with him is totally selfless. Oral sex is extremely painful for a man. This shows he loves you. Best thing to do is to thank him, buy him a nice, expensive present, and cook him a nice meal.

Dear Abby,
My husband doesn't know where my clitoris is. —Anonymous

Dear Anonymous,
Your clitoris is of no concern to your husband. If you must mess with it,do it in your own time. To help with the family budget you may wish to videotape yourself while doing this, and to sell it at car-boot sales. To ease your selfish guilt, buy your man a nice expensive present, and cook him a delicious meal.

Dear Abby,
My husband goes straight to sleep after making love, we have no time to talk. —Shut Out

Dear Shut Out,
Sex is an extremely difficult task for a man. Afterwards he needs rest. In fact, the more he loves you, the more hard work his lovemaking is, and the more rest he needs. Stop putting pressure on him. Buy him a nice, expensive present, and cook a nice meal.

Dear Abby,
My husband's efforts at lovemaking only last 30 seconds. —Unsatisfied

Dear Unsatisfied,
Your husband loves you very much. He is so turned on by you that he cannot control himself. In fact, the shorter the effort' the more he loves you. Return this love by buying a nice, expensive present, and cooking him a nice meal.

Dear Abby,
My husband is uninterested in foreplay.


Foreplay to a man is very hurtful. What it means is that you do not love your man as much as you should, he has to work a lot to get you in the mood. Abandon all wishes in this area, and make it up to him by buying him a nice present.

[jdesigns]

Dear Abby: Are birth control pills deductible?
Abby: Only if they don't work.

Dear Abby: What's the difference between a wife and a mistress?
Abby: Night and Day.

Dear Abby: I joined the Navy to see the world. I've seen it. Now, how do I get out?
Abby: Simple. Go to your superior officer and say these 2 words: I'm Gay.

Dear Abby: I've been going steady with this man for six years. We see each other every night. He says he loves me, and I know I love him, but he never mentions marriage. Do you think he's going out with me just for what he can get?
Abby: I don't know. What's he getting?

Dear Abby: My boyfriend is going to be twenty years old next month. I'd like to give him something nice for his birthday. What do you think he'd like?
Abby: Never mind what he'd like. Give him a tie.

Dear Abby: Our son was married in January. Five months later his wife had a ten-pound baby girl. They said the baby was premature. Tell me, can a baby this big be that early?
Abby: The baby was on time, the wedding was late.

Dear Abby: Do you think about dying much?
Abby: No, it's the last thing I want to do.

Dear Abby: Is it possible for a man to be in love with two women at the same time?
Abby: Yes, and also hazardous.

Dear Abby: I have always wanted to have my family history traced, but I can't afford to spend a lot of money to do it. Any suggestions?
Abby: Yes, Run for public office.

Dear Abby: When you are being introduced, is it all right to say, "I've heard a lot about you?"
Abby: It depends on what you've heard.

[jdesigns]

DEAR ABBY, My husband has a long record of money problems. He runs up huge credit card bills and at the end of the month, if I try to pay them off, he shouts at me, saying I am stealing his money. He says pay the minimum and let our kids worry about the rest, but already we can hardly keep up with the interest.

Also he has been so arrogant and abusive toward our neighbors that most of them no longer speak to us. The few that do are an odd bunch, to whom he has been giving a lot of expensive gifts, running up our bills even more.

Also, he has gotten religious in a big way, although I don't quite understand it. One week he hangs out with Catholics and the next with people who say the Pope is the Anti-Christ.

And now he has been going to the gym an awful lot and is into wearing uniforms and cowboy outfits, and I hate to think what that means.

Finally, the last straw. He's demanding that before anyone can be in the same room with him, they must sign a loyalty oath. It's just so horribly creepy!
Can you help?
Signed, Lost in DC


Dear Lost:
Stop whining, Laura. You can divorce the jerk any time you want. The rest of us are stuck with the jerk for four more years!

[PhoenixRising]

Originally Posted by CrazyJames

And mine wasnt? :'(

Sorry. Yours was as well. I got distracted by other internets.

[CrazyJames]

Originally Posted by PhoenixRising

Sorry. Yours was as well. I got distracted by other internets.

Suuuuuuuuuuuuure

[Lmhansen]

Originally Posted by CrazyJames

And mine wasnt? :'(

Oh, yes it was