Female Waxing

[Severecaraddict]

All hair removal methods have tricked women with their promises of easy, painless removal - The Epilady, scissors, razors, Nair and now...the wax.

Read on.........



My night began as any other normal weeknight. Come home, fix dinner,
play with the kids. I then had the thought that would ring painfully in
my mind for the next few hours:
’Maybe I should pull the waxing kit out of the medicine cabinet.’ So I headed to the site of my demise: the bathroom. It was one of those’ cold wax’ kits. No melting a clump of hot wax, you just rub the strips together in your hand, they get warm and you peel them apart and press them to your leg (or wherever else) and you pull the hair right off. No muss, no fuss. How hard can it be? I mean, I’m not a genius, but I am mechanically inclined enough to figure this out.

(YA THINK!?!)


So I pull one of the thin strips out. Its two strips facing each other stuck together. Instead of rubbing them together, my genius kicks in so I get out the hair dryer and heat it to 1000 degrees. (’Cold wax, yeah...right!’) I lay the strip across my thigh. Hold the skin around it tight and pull. It works OK, so it wasn’t the best feeling, but it wasn’t too bad. I can do
this! Hair removal no longer eludes me! I am She-rah fighter of all wayward body hair and maker of smooth skin extraordinary. With my next wax strip I move north. After checking on the kids, I sneak back into the bathroom, for the ultimate hair fighting championship. I drop my panties and place one foot on the toilet. Using the same procedure, I apply the wax strip across the right side of my bikini line, covering the right half of my hoo-hoo and stretching down to the inside of my butt cheek (it was a long strip) I inhale deeply and brace myself....RRRRIIIPPP!!!! I’m blind!!! Blinded from pain!!!!.....

OH MY GAWD!!!!!!!!!


Vision returning, I notice that I’ve only managed to pull off half the strip. CRAP! Another deep breath and RIPP! Everything is spinning and spotted. I think I may pass out...must stay conscious...must stay conscious. Do I hear crashing drums??? Breathe, breathe...OK, back to normal. I want to see my trophy - a wax covered strip, the
one that has caused me so much pain, with my hairy pelt sticking to it. I want to revel in the glory that is my triumph over body hair. I hold up the strip.
There’s no hair on it.
Where is the hair??? WHERE IS THE WAX???
Slowly I ease my head down, foot still perched on the toilet. I see the hair. The hair that should be on the strip...it’s not! I touch. I am touching wax. I run my fingers over the most sensitive part of my body, which is now covered in cold wax and matted hair. Then I make the next BIG mistake...remember my foot is still propped up on
the toilet? I know I need to do something. So I put my foot down.

SEALED SHUT!!!!

MY BUTT IS SEALED SHUT! SEALED SHUT!!!!
I penguin walk around the bathroom trying to figure out what to do and think to myself ’Please don’t let me get the urge to poop. My head may pop off! What can I do to melt the wax? Hot water!! Hot water melts wax!! I’ll run the hottest water I can stand into the bathtub, get in, immerse the wax-covered bits and the wax should melt and I can gently wipe it off, right???

WRONG!!!!!!!******
I get in the tub - the water is slightly hotter than that used to torture prisoners of war or sterilize surgical equipment - I sit. Now, the only thing worse than having your nether regions glued together, is having them glued together and then glued to the bottom of the tub...in scalding hot water. Which, by the way, doesn’t melt cold wax. So, now I’m stuck to the bottom of the tub as though I had cemented myself to the porcelain!! God bless the man who had convinced me a few months ago to have a phone put in the bathroom!!!!! I call my friend, thinking surely she has waxed before and has some secret of how to get me undone. It’s a very good conversation starter......’So, my butt and hoo-hoo are glued together to the bottom of the
tub!’ There is a slight pause. She doesn’t know any secret tricks for removal but she does try to hide her laughter from me. She wants to know exactly where the wax is located,’ Are we talking cheeks or hole or hoo-hoo?’She’s laughing out loud by now...I can hear her. I give her the rundown and she suggests I call the number on the side of the box.

YEAH!!!!! Right!!

While we go through various solutions. I resort to trying to scrape the wax off with a razor Nothing feels better than to have your girlie goodies covered in hot wax, glued shut, stuck to the tub in super hot water and then dry-shaving the sticky wax off!!
By now the brain is not working, dignity has taken a major hike and I’m
pretty sure I’m going to need Post-Traumatic Stress counseling for this event. My friend is still talking with me when I finally see my saving grace....the lotion they give you to remove the excess wax. What do I really have to lose at this point? I rub some on and.

OH MY GOD!!!!!!!


The scream probably woke the kids and scared the dickens out of my friend. Its sooo painful, but I really don’t care. ’IT WORKS!! It works!!’ I get a hearty congratulation from my friend and she hangs up. I successfully remove the remainder of the wax and then notice to my grief and despair.... THE HAIR IS STILL THERE

[LadybugEwa]

Those strips actually suck big time, but I never knew they were so dangerous Thanks for the heads-up

[Severecaraddict]

Originally Posted by LadybugEwa

Those strips actually suck big time, but I never knew they were so dangerous Thanks for the heads-up

I've used NAD's no-heat waxing strips to manscape my chest, stomach and nether regions, but nothing works as well as good 'ol fashioned hot wax and strips. For the record, I've NEVER had a debacle such as her's!!!

[antonym]

I think waxing was once a torture technique .....

[CoriBug]

I read that while on the phone and I laughed out loud! So funny. This is why I go to a professional!!

[Lnzbug]

OMG!!! That was tooooo funny!!!

[dnyed]

Geez, wax lady, next time, "snip, then shave". Duh!



Many years ago, Bill wanted a baby smooth exterior for the summer. So, outside in the driveway, I Nads'ed his back. I spread the wax, then smoothed the strips onto the wax. Asked if he was ready, then YANKED!!!! As I type this, the deep laughter is making it hard to type. What was worse for him, there were a few more acres to yank!

Even years later, I still laugh until I get a stitch in my side when I think about it!


Friends don't let friends wax!