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  #1 (permalink)  
Old 10-21-2005, 03:37 AM
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Unhappy Getting Divorced for the very first time

Yes its true me and my husband are breaking up he is very controlling and abusive toward me so I gotta do it! Only thing is I have no idea about how to go about it. He will not change and Im sick of hurting. I will be moving within the month of October early November back to WA with my parents for a while while I get my life back in order. Just needed to vent and let yall know. Thanks for listening you all great friends god bless!!
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Old 10-21-2005, 04:19 AM
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omg... i'm so sorry to hear shanda. i'll be there for ya girl. we can meet up in washington and all that stuff.

i'll PM you my fone number.

love ya!
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Old 10-21-2005, 05:16 AM
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Oh my gosh. You uprooted your life for someone who abuses you? How sad. But, we will welcome you back to the PNW. Take care, and hope to see you.
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  #4 (permalink)  
Old 10-21-2005, 05:27 AM
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I'm sorry to hear the news. All things happen for a reason even if we don't understand them all.
Hang in there & you deserve better
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Old 10-21-2005, 12:58 PM
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{{{hugs}}} Hang in there Shanda! If he's abusive towards you then you're doing the right thing! Noone deserves abuse. Physical or mental! Good luck and if you need to talk PM me!
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Old 10-21-2005, 01:09 PM
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Sorry to hear that. Hang in there. When one door closes, another one opens. While it's tough to move on sometimes, sounds like you are doing it for the right reasons. Hopefully, it's the start of a much better life!!!
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Old 10-21-2005, 02:56 PM
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If you want to move to NJ, i have a room available.

I'm all to familiar now with bad breakups. I feel for ya. Scumbag doesn't know how good he had it.

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  #8 (permalink)  
Old 10-21-2005, 03:17 PM
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Having been through a divorce myself, I know how bad it hurts. I have kids, so I still have to deal with my ex, so it still hurts from time to time. Look on the bright side of things to keep yourself going. You'll be free to be who you are without anyone objecting. As long as you did your best to keep your marriage together, you can leave holding your head up (you're not a failure). Take care & good luck in your future!
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  #9 (permalink)  
Old 10-21-2005, 04:20 PM
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It's good you are getting out of there. The first thing you need to do, is break open the phone book, and look for divorce attourneys. Find those that have free consoltation. They will be able to point you in the correct path (paper work, legal rights etc...)
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Old 10-21-2005, 04:36 PM
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More power to ya!!

My first thought was 'aww.' But yeah, if you've got to that point of thinkin' and being serious about it; there's deffinately something you don't need to deal with there.

You've got my empathy; but I'd rather give you the motivation you need to continue what you're doing. Make your life better than it is; because it's your life.

It's all the time you'll have; don't waste it getting dumped on. Good luck Shanda!
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  #11 (permalink)  
Old 10-21-2005, 07:08 PM
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The earlier the better for this stuff. Good luck; I know getting your life back together after an event like this is no easy task, with no guarantee of success - but you can take heart in knowing it is YOUR decision to make or not. No one elses.

Good luck again!
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Old 10-21-2005, 07:50 PM
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I agree with getting some professional advice concerning finances and stuff. My mother in law just got out of the bind her x-husband left her in with finances...this was 10+ years after the fact. Luckily it was her second husband and not my wife's dad. Anyway, just talk to someone and some money spent up front will help from long term financial issues that could happen.

At some point you will look back on this and see how much stronger and more mature you are from going through it, but I'm sure it's tough now. Sorry about that.

Romans 8:28 "We know that in everything God works for good with those who love him, who are called according to his purpose."
  #13 (permalink)  
Old 10-22-2005, 02:16 AM
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Thanks everyone for your advice and kind words it sure will help me out alot too know I have some pretty great friends!! I will be glad to go back home with my family!
And we are gonna get an attorney my parents are gonna call one
up.

Quote:
{{{hugs}}} Hang in there Shanda! If he's abusive towards you then you're doing the right thing! Noone deserves abuse. Physical or mental! Good luck and if you need to talk PM me!
aww thanks so much girl means alot I will PM ya to talk Im sure!
  #14 (permalink)  
Old 10-22-2005, 05:01 AM
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Shanda, Glad to hear that you're taking control of your situation. Going home to your family is a good idea, you'll need all the support you can get and that's important for your sanity. When I divorced my ex we were living in ohio where her family is and all my family is in California, so it was very tough for me. Everyone is special and should be treated that way, especially by your spouse, and not be abused or mis treated.you have our support as best as we can give it to you. My wife & I will keep you in our prayers. Stay strong.
Rick
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Old 10-22-2005, 08:55 AM
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i could never doubt you shanda... wise choice on getting out now!
  #16 (permalink)  
Old 10-22-2005, 04:12 PM
05NavaBug's Avatar
Workin to live!
 
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Car: Red 94 Ford Tempo and my 68 Bug named Mr Bobble Head.
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Its hard aspecally when you dont see there abusive till other people kinda tell you and you dont really listen. Im gonna move this week for sure since he said hes comming home early cause he doesnt want me to leave.
But my dad will be comming here this weekend so if by some chance he does show up witch is slim to none cause I told him Im already leaving. so that will show em.
  #17 (permalink)  
Old 10-22-2005, 04:28 PM
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Yeah, the abused person is the last to see it or feels helpless to do anything about it. Glad that your Father is coming down to help you. Hope you can make a quick move with no confrontations. Good Luck!
  #18 (permalink)  
Old 10-30-2005, 04:32 PM
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Shanda-I hardly ever check this forum ,but today I did ,and I would like to offer my thoughts on your situation.

So sorry to hear about your problem. I have been a Minister for many years and I have given counsel many times to spouses going through abusive situations. Under the circumstances of abuse you are doing the right thing. If you have not done so ,I do hope you and your spouse will seek counseling.

Shanda I would like to say that I understand your situation but I cannot, because I have not experienced the problems that you are going through. A few years ago my late wife passed away, and I thought things were very dark for me. After this experience I could say to others who lost their spouse, I know what you are going through. Some time later God brought a beautiful wonderful lady into my life. The decision was made to get married, and we are having a wonderful loving relationship.

I say this because their is light at the end of the tunnel. Right now that light for you may seem to be very faint but believe me if you hang in there, trust, and be strong, things will- will- will work out for you.

Shanda try to be positive ,keep saying this to yourself-I know -I know -things are going to work out for me and the light at the end of the tunnel will get brighter.

Let me put it this way-I KNOW things are going to work out for you-I really believe that with all my heart. One day you will look back on this difficult time in your life and say-I am a stronger person because of it.

If my wife and I can help you in any way please let us know. We will be praying for you and your husband.

Last edited by Red Rider; 10-31-2005 at 03:51 AM..
  #19 (permalink)  
Old 10-31-2005, 02:35 AM
05NavaBug's Avatar
Workin to live!
 
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Thank you so much fir the advice things probably will never change with him he wont even admit he was wrong. He is too controlling! I know I will find someone better that will treat me right and that everything will workout.
  #20 (permalink)  
Old 10-31-2005, 03:26 AM
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Best of luck and godspeed to you. I know that you will find your way.

Regrouping and taking distance from it is a great idea. Take your time and do what is best for you.
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