I just came out to my mom

[callisto9]

Originally Posted by kaiimac

but she continued to text me over and over all night long about how I could change, etc. She told me I just wasn't trying and that I am being brainwashed by society and not doing what God wants me to do. Sometimes I do wonder if it isn't some kind of test God is putting me through, and it's hard not to go a step backwards in your personal development when your own mother, who you trust to do right by you always, is telling you that you are against everything she believes in. She also said that she trusted me and I betrayed that trust. I am now a "thing" that she is against. She told me I am no longer her best friend, and she will never stop praying that I will be saved by God. My mom and I have always been so close, and now she feels like she has lost me, and I don't know what to do. Nothing I say to her means anything. She says she wished I had never told her, that I was being selfish.

oh, that's just really sad. obviously, i have no idea what it's like to be a parent, but it's just too bad she feels that way right now. she hasn't lost a son! she seems so mislead (society has brainwashed you?) and it's too bad that she can't see you for you. i can only hope she'll see the good in this and love you for who you are. she might take some time, but gosh, i hope she sees that how she feels is wrong and hurtful. she's the one who's being selfish.

and when your family doesn't accept who you are and what you want to do with your life, it's time to look elsewhere for love and support. family doesn't have to be blood-related. your family is who you choose and who chooses you.

i think therapy is a great idea ryan. i hope you find some benefit out of it. i know i did when i was facing certain difficulties in life. it's even good that you've opened up to us! but hey, now that you're "all out there", we expect to see more of you around here. we have many gay/bi members and a ton of supportive and open-minded people.

again, congratulations on celebrating who you are, though it probably doesn't seem like much of a celebration right now. i hope you find some peace in all of this soon. we're here for you.

[hoonbug]

Originally Posted by kaiimac

All I can say is..wow. I am so overwhelmed at all of the positive feedback.

That's what forums are for. That, and talking about cars I'm glad we can be there for you.

... all night long about how I could change, etc. She told me I just wasn't trying and that I am being brainwashed by society and not doing what God wants me to do. Sometimes I do wonder if it isn't some kind of test God is putting me through, and it's hard not to go a step backwards in your personal development when your own mother, who you trust to do right by you always, is telling you that you are against everything she believes in.

I was raised as an Anglican (which didn't stick, thank goodness), and if there's anything I learnt from their attempted brainwashing is that Jesus' main message in his parables is his love for the marginalized in society, the lepers, the prostitutes, the tax collectors. He was the first socialist, something that many so called Christians tend to forget.

You can misconstrue any text to twist it to say what you want it to say. The Bible we use is translated not once, but multiple times (from Aramaic or classical Greek into Latin and then into late middle English, cleaned up a bit or left as is. The old KJV version for example uses words which had specific meanings when it was written, which no longer mean that today. 400 years is a long time in a language's development, particularly as one as acquisitive as English).

The Bible is not really the word of God, nor even the voice of the original authors. It's the Chinese whisper version, and it's been twisted and misinterpreted for evil more often than it has been used for good.

Now is probably not the time to push any belief system on you, but if you do feel you want an alternative which looks forward, accepts the world for what it is, and is moral and ethical, you can do a lot worse than secular humanism. You don't even need to be atheist (although it helps). All in all, if you want to remain a Christian, remember that the New Testament is about God's love for all His children, even the wayward ones. You are not wayward, and therefore God is not testing you.

However, one thing at a time - get your head on straight, don't worry about the things you can't change, and concentrate on getting your emotional life back on track. If this means a bit of time away from your mum, that may be necessary. However, I hope your mum will get the message sooner than later. It sounds like she's in denial right now, and has a fair bit to go before she gets to acceptance. Ask your shrink about ways to move the process along without seeming patronising or similar to your mum. However, you can't expect every parent to become PFLAG members overnight.

Good luck in your journey.

Andrew

[CaptainXeroid]

Originally Posted by kaiimac

...Sometimes I do wonder if it isn't some kind of test God is putting me through...

As a Christian who belongs to a open and accepting denomination and congregation, I have heard many people in your situation say something simliar.

Our choir director said he knew from about age 5 that he was 'different' from the other kids...that he was called by God AND that he was gay. He didn't come out to his parents until after he graduated college because he was afraid they would cut him off financially. They didn't speak for about a year, but over time they came to realize that God did make him that way, and that he was going to lead a normal productive life.

Even though some religious loudmouths grabs the headline with their anti-gay rhetoric, there are MANY churches that do live up to Jesus' teachings to love one another. If you feel God is testing you, I hope you're not discouraged by those who have turned their back on faith and that you do seek out such a church. God's Word is powerful, and His promises are constant.

Originally Posted by kaiimac

... People in Atlanta are generally nice to me

That's good to hear. Atlanta is a rather large sprawling city with quite a diverse population.

I know we haven't run into each other yet, but if you are interested in some local resources, hit the PM button.

[Benny Beetle]

During my tough time I turned to my friends, I know consider them my extended family because when my own wasn't speaking to me, my friends made sure they were around more often (at times, I couldn't get rid of them! lol). It does get better.

[kaiimac]

Thanks again, guys. My mom is still taking it pretty badly and saying some pretty hurtful things to me that I never thought I would hear from her. I feel like the roll of parent/child has switched, and I am just giving her time and not responding to what she is saying to me. I just hope that she will calm down in time.

[callisto9]

Originally Posted by kaiimac

Thanks again, guys. My mom is still taking it pretty badly and saying some pretty hurtful things to me that I never thought I would hear from her. I feel like the roll of parent/child has switched, and I am just giving her time and not responding to what she is saying to me. I just hope that she will calm down in time.

i'm so sorry to hear this. it's funny, i was talking to my co-worker about this just this afternoon.

i hope your mom comes around. if not, seek out the company of those who accept you for who you are. :hugs: