Jeremy Clarkson reviews the Mark V Golf R32

[Atomic Glee]

Top Gear's Jeremy Clarkson, with a wonderfully Clarksonish review of the new R32:

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Volkswagen Golf R32
By Jeremy Clarkson of The Sunday Times
Not very green, but very good

It was Sheikh Yamani, the former boss of Opec, who pointed out that the Stone Age didn’t end because the world ran out of stone. Nor did the Iron Age end because we ran out of iron. And you can be fairly sure the Oil Age won’t end because we run out of oil.
Nobody knows when this will be because nobody knows how much there is down there, and equally nobody knows how much demand there will be for it in the future. In the past 40 years the population of the world has doubled.

So will it double again in the next 40? Or will we all be killed by parrots? Only the world’s environmentalists, with their crystal balls and their tarot cards, seem belligerently certain about what’s going to happen next.

Oh, and the car firms. Toyota says that in the next 10 years 1m of the 7m cars it’ll be making every year will be part-petrol part-electric hybrids. And now BMW, DaimlerChrysler and General Motors have joined forces to provide some competition.

Sounds great, but this technology is not designed to replace oil, merely to eke it out. And it’s only catching on because the world is awash with hippies who really do think that by driving around in a Prius they’re saving the world’s water beetles. Think of hybrids as council-run bottle banks: almost completely useless marketing tools designed to make you feel all warm and fuzzy about being green.

More realistically, the future will bring extraordinary advances in efficiency. I remember, in the mid-1980s, Daihatsu shocked the world by producing an engine that could produce 100bhp per litre. But soon you can reckon on being given 150bhp per litre and more. Already Volkswagen has a 1.4 litre motor that uses turbocharging, supercharging and direct injection to produce 167bhp. That’s way, way more efficient than any complex triple-engined hybrid.

Ultimately it’s possible we’ll all be driving cars powered by hydrogen. Maybe it will be burnt internally, as a substitute for petrol, or maybe it will be used in a fuel cell to generate electricity that’s then used to provide power. Either way the only emissions are heat and water. That keeps the hippies happy and it should keep normal people happy too because there’s a limitless supply of hydrogen. Britain, we’re told, would only need four nuclear power plants to keep every car, van and truck in the land going.

Either way the only emissions are heat and water. That keeps the hippies happy and it should keep normal people happy too because there’s a limitless supply of hydrogen. Britain, we’re told, would only need four nuclear power plants to keep every car, van and truck in the land going

Don’t hold your breath, though. We’re a fair way off this clean dream becoming reality. It’ll be a technology familiar only to our children. And that’s the beauty, because who knows what might happen between now and then. Maybe some extraordinary new science will be discovered, or perhaps limitless power will be found on Mars. We can predict only that something will replace oil, in the same way that something replaced stone.

And we could leave it at that. But no. The world’s motor industry, in a desperate bid to sound caring and kind, says that soon your car will be directed to a parking space by satellite spies in the sky, it will park itself and it will be safe if you have a crash. With nothing but water coming out of the exhaust you’ll be able to run down as many pedestrians as take your fancy on the way to work, safe in the knowledge that neither they, nor you, nor the planet will be hurt in any way.

And then, when the car has reached the end of its life — currently that’s after an average of 14 years — it will be melted down and turned into a water sprinkler for what, in the past, had been the developing world. Think about that. Lots of smiling Ethiopians sitting in their gardens, watching your old Range Rover water their lawns.

The world’s motor mandarins paint a picture of a world with no war, no poverty and no pollution. It’ll be a world where George Monbiot sits every week staring at his computer wondering what on earth to worry about. Transport 2000, the eco-pressure group, will be gone. And every Sunday night Top Gear will smile its way through yet another review of yet another completely safe, completely slow, completely dull p.o.s. Oh yeah? Well if that’s the case, why are we in the middle of a power battle not seen since the second world war. Mercedes and BMW are making bigger, heavier and increasingly powerful cars that can’t park themselves, can’t crash without injuring everyone within six miles, and produce enough carbon dioxide to fry a whole flock of great crested grebes.

Then there’s Volkswagen, crowing about its 1.4 litre engine that produces 167bhp. But not half as loudly as it crows about its Bentley Flying Spur, the fastest four-door saloon in the world, and the new Bugatti Veyron, which churns out 1000bhp.

These motor industry guys are like errant husbands, whispering sweet nothings to their wives about love and affection while pouring half a gallon of baby oil over their lover’s breasts. What you see is not what you get. But then again, what you get isn’t half brilliant.
And that brings me neatly on to the new Volkswagen Golf. Think about what that name means. A car for everyone, a sensible, safe, practical tool in which people and luggage can be transported reliably, efficiently and as cheaply as technically possible. The Golf, remember, was the successor to the Beetle.

Yes, so why’s the new model got a 250bhp narrow angle V6 engine? Why does it go from 0-62mph in 6.5sec? Why, if VW is so bothered about the world, does it keep on going all the way to 155mph? Why? Because it’s great, that’s why.

No, really, this is a fabulous car. Apart from a bit of jewellery at the front and some blue brake callipers it looks like a normal Golf. You really have to stare at it for quite some time to notice it’s riding a little lower than usual and that the tyres are suspiciously wide.

It’s much the same story on the inside. The chunky, flat-bottomed steering wheel hints at something that really doesn’t seem to be there. It just feels Golfish. And it keeps on feeling Golfish when you turn the key and set off. The ride is comfortable, there’s no unnecessary noise and everyone has lots of space. A lot more than they’d get in, say, a BMW 1-series.

Then you put your foot down and suddenly the world starts to go backwards. Not harshly or sportily. It’s not like the GTI, this. It’s a big, refined power, more like gravity than internal combustion, so you feel like you’re in a Mercedes. Only I’d like to bet the VW is better made.

And cheaper. Prices for a three-door start at less than £24,000, which is exceptional value for money, and even if you go for a five-door with a double-clutch DSG flappy paddle gearbox (which is what I’d do) you’re still asked to pay less than £26,000. And that’s a lot of car for the money. It’s more than that in fact. It’s every car you could ever reasonably need. Fast, well made, practical, surprisingly economical and above all discreet. Nobody ’s ever going to mistake you for a footballer, that’s for sure.

We don’t know what the future holds, so we can’t plan for it. We only know what’s in the here and now, and this Golf R32 is as good as it gets. Which is why I’m giving it the rare accolade of a Sunday Times five-star rating.

VITAL STATISTICS

Model: Volkswagen Golf R32
Engine: 3200cc V6
Power: 247bhp @ 6300rpm
Torque: 236 lb ft @ 2500rpm
Transmission: Six-speed manual
Fuel: 26.2mpg (combined)
CO2: 259g/km
Acceleration 0-62mph: 6.5sec
Top speed: 155mph
Price: £23,745
Rating: 5/5
Verdict: A hole in one

[Fowvay]

I saw the comparo of the R32 vs the BMW Type crapola... it was awesome.

JC knows how to rip apart a car if he hates it.

[oneighturbo]

good but old!

[Breez]

I love watching the Top Gear on youtube.com I think my favorite review is that R32 one, its fun... Ill find some of the links.

Clarkson also says he would rather drive the Phaeton with the VW badge then a Jaguar...

[Breez]

TOP GEAR GTI review link : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-9jBxX-cVfg

TOP GEAR R32 vs. BMW 130 : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=09s8eMLHIUM

TOP GEAR Phaeton: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cLJKvfNeSiw

ENJOY!!!!